Motherhood in the Modern Workplace

Elise: Hello and welcome to The Loop Marketing Podcast. I'm your host Elise Stieferman, Director of Marketing at Coegi. Let's get started. All right, so today I am joined by two of our leaders in the Client Service Department. I've got Patricia, who is our Vice President of Client Services, as well as Ali, who's our Director of Client Services, and we're talking about a very important topic about being a working mom in a high intensity atmosphere, a fast paced industry. So, I'd like to just kick it off talking about what your experience has been like as a first time mom, Ali. Then also Patricia, I'd like to hear from you about some of the challenges of being a first time mom that you maybe didn't expect off the bat. So Ali, wanna get us started? Ali First of all, being a parent is such a joy. Everyone says that you aren't expecting to feel the love you feel and all of that, and I think it's definitely true. It's like nothing I've ever experienced. My husband and I just dote on our baby, and when we're not around him, we talk about our baby. So it's just been such a joy, but I think that there is a big loss of self that comes with being a parent that I was a little bit prepared for, but no one could really prepare me for it. So, during pregnancy and certainly after, so many parts of your life just become unrecognizable, it's very jarring. You don't recognize your body, your circle of friends might look different sadly, after you have children, your relationship with a partner and just the role you see yourself playing in your own life. All of these things just become so different. Some of that is good change, but all change is really stressful. For me, when I was going to return to work, I really wanted that to just be a constant. I wanted to just come back like nothing had changed. I wanted that to be the one thing that didn't change. Of course, that was unrealistic. When I was gone on maternity leave, my team developed and grew. They did great things, and I was really lucky that Patricia kept me up to speed and that my team members were so gracious and excited about welcoming me back into their projects and their development whenever I got back. I thought that being aware of the potential impact of societal expectation would help dampen my own expectations of myself, and help me be more realistic, but it didn't. I thought I was gonna come back to work and everything was gonna be the same. So my advice to anyone would just be easier said than done, but keep your expectations realistic and be gracious to yourself and just enjoy the ride. It's been amazing. Elise: That's great, Ali, thank you for sharing that experience. I definitely think it varies a lot from person to person, right? And so Patricia, could you talk to us a little bit about what your experience has been. You now have two children, so what have been the challenges that you faced and what have you done to help moving forward as a working mom? Patricia: So I had my second baby earlier this year, and the first thing I want to just point out or kind of talk about was how covid really did help, I think, to what the workplace structure looks like now compared to when I had my first. My first baby was born in 2017, and things were a lot different then. We luckily at Coegi still did have some flexibility, but I think Covid really pushed the workplace to be even more flexible and even be more accepting of the challenges that parents go through, whether you are a new parent or whether you are a parent with a five year old or seven year old who can't go to school, or something along those lines. So really this second time around, I was thankful to have so much more flexibility, and restarting to the office and just having that acceptance from my coworkers and colleagues about the need to work from home due to a sick baby or, due to childcare falling through, whatever it might be. I think Covid really pushed the workplace to be more accepting of that and be more accommodating. Even my thoughts and opinions as an executive definitely shifted with Covid and how we are flexible towards parents and are flexible towards different life events that might happen and different things like that. I will say the second time for me was a lot smoother, because like Ali said, there's so many different challenges, and so many different ways that you're viewing yourself and changes happening on the first time around. The second time around for me was just a lot smoother. I kind of knew what to expect a little bit more, and my confidence was just a little bit higher having gone through it before. I wanted to set a good example for Ali, of course, getting ready to go through it a few months after I came back from maternity leave. So, I really wanted to help her set those boundaries going in so we could respect her time on her maternity leave. So I made sure to do that for myself. Coming back in, I didn't put as much stress on myself because I had a bigger team, and more support. I wanted to make sure she was set up for success too, going into her maternity leave. Elise: I think you make a great point that flexibility has become very much integrated into the workplace culture. It's expected now by employees, but even with the most flexible workplace, I know that there's a lot of preparation that still goes into preparing to be out of the office for extended periods of time. So could you talk to me a little bit about some tips for other working parents as they prepare to go out on leave? How can they help set themselves up for success? How can they help their employees feel like they're still going to be supported in your absence and just preparing for all of that? Patricia, do you wanna go first since you've gone through it twice now? Patricia: So the biggest thing for me, and Ali and I are both planners, but for us it was planning early and preparing early. So like even three months before your due date, starting to figure out who's gonna take over responsibilities, who's going to maybe need to get some training or start getting looped in on different things. So, preparing early definitely helps when potentially a baby comes early, there's maybe hiccups towards the end of the pregnancy or something like that, and it just makes your team feel more confident in what they're taking over as well. It makes you feel better, it makes you feel like you're not abandoning any responsibilities you have to an organization or to your clients or different things like that. Those last few months are really hard, so typically your adjustment to the work does change in those last few months too because you get tired more easily or, you're increasing your doctor's appointments and having to be out of the office a little bit more. So having that team support with that preparation, I think really does help ease your mind, your team's mind, and your clients if you're working externally too. The last thing I'm gonna say in preparation is just being vocal about what you need because everybody's journey is so different. Whether it's a father getting ready to go out on paternity leave, whether it's a high risk pregnancy, whether it's a pregnancy of multiples, everybody's journey is so different. It's really important to be vocal about what you need, what kind of support you need, not only in doing your responsibilities and doing your role within the company, but also as you personally and your mental health and yourself process going through this new adventure as a new parent is also really important to just be vocal about where you're at, what kind of assistance you need, and how others can help you. Or if you just need a mental health day and you want to make sure people are prepared, I would just say, be vocal, prepare early, and also just enjoy the buildup process. We love to do baby showers and wedding showers of course, and different things where we get to celebrate life events. It's also important to enjoy those last few months of preparation as well. Elise: Ali, I know that you really just went through this. Can you talk to me about things that you learned throughout that preparation process or things that you didn't expect as you were preparing to go out on leave? Ali: I think Patricia really hit the nail on the head with all of her advice. I think now that I've gone through it I could confidently kind of coach others. Whether you're a teammate of someone who's preparing to be a parent, or a manager of someone who's preparing to be a parent, don't hesitate to allow them to communicate their needs. Like Patricia said, it can be very nerve-wracking to request accommodation. We often think as a society, of pregnancy accommodation as something very dire, like a doctor putting someone on bedrest, which can certainly happen and needs to be accommodated, but there are so many things that can change or that can pop up and it can be very nerve-wracking to ask for that accommodation. So if you're a teammate or a manager, kind of extending the olive branch, if you will, and offering for a pregnant person to call into an offsite meeting rather than going through the burden of traveling, even if it's before the time that they're not allowed to fly. Offering these accommodations to them to accept rather than leaving it to them to ask can sometimes just be just such a relief. Patricia and Coegi have done a great job of being so flexible there, but anyone listening, just be empathetic and think of ways that your coworkers preparing for parenthood might need a little hand in the buildup. Elise: I think you're both completely correct that at Cogi what I've seen, even not as a parent, but just in day to day life of the importance of being transparent about things that are going on in your day to day life, and that brings me to the thought of juggling work life balance with also being a parent. So, Ali, do you wanna talk to me about some lessons that you've learned about juggling? You've got this other baby that you're placing so much emphasis and tension on, how do you navigate all of that? Ali: I actually have kind of a story that is so funny to me looking back. I described at the beginning of our conversation how I just wanted to dive right in. I wanted one part of my life to be the same, to be unaffected by all of my new responsibilities. My first full week back to work, I decided that I was going to visit one of our other office locations two hours away. This is something that I did all the time, even when I was pregnant. So, I thought I could handle it, I was just gonna dive right in. Just driving there in the morning was such a challenge. Thinking about every mile being farther and farther away from my baby than I had ever been, was something that I did not consider beforehand, and by the end of the day, I was exhausted. I was like, do I need to stay in St. Louis and sleep at my grandma's house? I mean, I am so tired. There ended up being this huge traffic jam on the way home and it was so stressful because I just wanted to get back to my baby. I was almost out of gas, I needed to pump because I hadn't pumped before I left, and there were just so many new things that I had not considered about just a simple day trip to another office. Like Patricia said, I think everyone in every pregnancy is different. I can firmly say that having no expectations of yourself is easier said than done, but it is best. Don't hold yourself to any impossible standards and don't even attempt to hold yourself to the standards that you previously had before you were pregnant or while you were pregnant or before you became a parent. Really allow yourself to just wade in. That's what everyone else is hopefully expecting of you. So just roll with that. Don't dive right in when you don't have to. Elise: Patricia, was your experience similar? Were you trying to dive right back in after your first baby and then feeling the weight of all the new things about your life? Patricia: You know, when Ali took that trip, I was like, man, more power to Ali. Go girl, that you could do that. My first post-pregnancy with Coegi, we didn't travel as much. I wasn't just going to jump back in, but there was an offsite meeting with a client that I had to go to and similarly like getting up at the crack of dawn to make sure I kept on my pump schedule. I actually for that meeting vividly remember sitting in my car pumping before that offsite client meeting, and I was like, this is a lot to jump right back into. So I think that's why the second time around I definitely eased back in, I don't think I went to another office for the first two months of being back with Coegi after maternity leave, because it's a lot to adjust to, and just like Ali said, your routine in the mornings changing that connection to a small little one, and being farther away from them, or having to fit in a pump routine or something like that is a lot to handle. So, during my first maternity leave or kind of post-pregnancy, we were a lot smaller of an organization, and I want to just say that since we've gotten a little bit bigger, it's easier to disperse workload, your teams are able to handle a little bit more. I actually remember the first time I was on maternity leave, I still came back in and did a bunch of HR things because at the time I was doing payroll. I was doing some employee HR things, and the company didn't have a way for that workload to be dispersed. So I was actually doing a little bit of work here and there during the lighter half of my maternity leave in order to keep the company going, people getting paychecks and different things like that. So a little bit different, obviously the second time around I enjoyed it so much, the company being a little bit larger and being able to support each other a little bit better and just disperse the workload. I definitely had that experience of going to an offsite client meeting or having to come back in and jump back in work, where I felt like I hadn't missed anything at all. So I think I learned from myself the second time around. Elise: You talked about it Ali, how much you change when you become a parent, and have you noticed any changes in how you are as a working professional because you are a mother? Are there any unique skills that you've acquired? How do you think it's helped progress your life in the world of advertising? Ali: I think it's so much easier for me to see the bigger picture and just cut through the gunk and messy situations so much easier. Before I was a parent, I really struggled with equating too much of my work success and failures with a personal or a moral success or failure. Things happen, it's not personal. The emergencies that I thought were emergencies, I'm able to place the proper priority on a 911 versus a fire drill, and just really get past some of those things quicker, and to be able to let them go at the end of the day, and coach others on my team to hopefully do the same. Elise: What about you, Patricia? Any changes that you've noticed in yourself as an employee and a leader of the company since becoming a mom? Patricia: Well, I definitely do wanna echo what Ali said, I think we've seen that actually across different parents within our organization that you kind of learn what battles to pick, and where to focus your energy, and where to not let stuff get to you. We've seen that, and I've definitely learned that. I think we've seen that with a number of other new parents as well within our organization. The other thing I'm going to say is, being a leader, and an executive, it's easy to just look at the numbers, just look at the business side, but also the empathetic side, I think for me has grown a lot since having kids. Obviously when you're talking to your kids, you're not all by the facts, you're not going into something emotionless or anything like that, but you're going into it with a lot of empathy, trying to understand where they're coming from, trying to understand, their side of the situation, why that tantrum was as big of a deal as it was to them. That's the same thing when approaching internally with teams. Why was this such a big deal to you? Putting yourself in their situation, to understand how it affects their career path. It really actually helps with clients trying to understand their side of things. Why was this report such a big deal to them? Why was this campaign launch so pivotal to their business or their advertising or marketing plans, different things like that. So just the empathetic side and seeing the other side of things as a parent has grown immensely, just in my viewpoint and the way I approach different situations. Elise: And to build off of that, Patricia, as we wrap up, I'd like to understand more about how organizations can build that empathy into their policies, and into their processes, whether it's being a first time parent or it's whatever major life event is happening. I know that you straddle that role quite a bit, not only dealing with client services, but also having worked in the HR realm as well. So do you wanna kick us off in discussing that? Patricia: When it comes to an organization, I think we just have to realize that nobody's situations are the same. Nobody's life events are the same. That goes of course for becoming a parent, adopting, different family medical situations, but understanding that we might have to customize our approach. What worked for Ali during her pregnancy, was not the same thing that worked for me during mine. On the father’s side, the steps that they're going through to prepare for a new baby and support their wife, and different things like that. So just first of all, recognizing that no two situations are gonna be the same. What people need are not gonna be the same because everybody’s different life events happen very differently. So that flexibility is really important. That accommodation that Ali touched on earlier is very important, that communication at Coegi, we've really prided ourselves in creating a connected framework with your supervisors and with your executives where you can go have those conversations about what you need to be successful in your role. Whether it's you just found out you were pregnant and you're dealing with some morning sickness or, whether you're at the end and maybe you're having some false labor signs or maybe your wife's on bedrest and you need to support her and your home and that type of thing. So flexibility, accommodations are big. Creating a supportive culture. I've been in those cultures where you're judged for walking out the door five minutes early. Creating that supportive culture is also about having your team members have your back and giving their support too. So that if you do need to go pick up a sick kid from daycare or, if you do need to change around your work schedule for a day because the little one is home sick or maybe your significant other is sick, or something along those lines. Having that support from your team to know that like, if I can't get to this, I do have a fallback plan, or a plan for other team members to potentially help me out. I think at Coegi we've done an awesome job at creating that supportive culture to where if you're in client service, you've got the support of your supervisors. If you're working on a specific client business, you can work with different account strategy team members or even the marketing innovation team. We can reach out and work with a lot of different departments and a lot of different support personnel. And then finally, making mental health a priority. You're going through a lot when it comes to that new self when becoming a new parent, as Ali mentioned. That takes an adjustment period. I remember talking to Ali pre going on maternity leave and I was like, what you think now might be different than what you think when you come back and you rejoin us. So, I want to have these conversations, of course, like in the upfront and during your review process and stuff like that, but I'm also really curious about how you feel about things when you come back, when that mindset has kinda shifted on your end. So, making mental health and that adjustment period a priority to understand where do your coworkers kinda stand after this big adjustment period? Elise: Perfect, I think that's the ideal way to wrap things up. So thank you both so much for chatting with us today. Congratulations on your first time being a mother and being a second time mom. And we'll see you next time. Thank you for listening. Coegi is an industry leading performance marketing agency based in the Midwest. We've learned a lot since our founding in 2014 and started The Loop Marketing Podcast to share some of our hot takes on marketing trends we're following, best practices, we've discovered and actionable tips for improving your digital strategy. We'll see you next time.